Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Patio Project

As you all know, we've struck a deal with our landlords. They've agreed to foot a portion of the bill for a new brick patio out back, and we've agreed to install it (and foot the better portion of that bill). Now you all know that Jonah cannot do anything "just a little bit," and you've probably heard about the "KL GLENNON 1000 BRICK CHALLENGE," but we thought we'd give you the full story here in one abridged version.

Step 1: Buy lots of rocks. Have them dumped in the street so your neighbors think you're jerks. This will encourage you to move said rocks.

Step 2: Enlist help of slave labor (i.e., grad students) to help move embarrassing rock pile. Provide slave labor with housing for far too long in repayment.


Step 3: Make sure drainage is good. Even though it never never never never rains in South Africa. Ignore comments from dogs, as they know nothing about drainage.


Step 4: Instead of spending lots of money on tamping machine, buy 6-pack of local swill and entice graduate student to use Flintstones-era technology to perform duties tamping machine could do in less than 15 minutes.


Step 5: Admire hole filled with rocks, the product of a weekend's heavy labor.


Step 6: Use ridiculous quantity of remaining rock to address marginally important landscaping issues around home.


Step 7: "Break in" expensive tool to excavate dinosaurs. This is necessary because there was a row of bricks that would not match our new section. "Break" new tool on third use. Be glad of one year warranty.


Break time! Mawazo's wife, Olivette, came to visit that Saturday. She works in Pretoria and it was lovely to get a chance to meet her. They are both wonderful people. We look forward to visiting them in Malawi one day.


Step 8: Back to work, squatting grad student! Sweep that sand between those bricks. 


Step 9: Admire your handiwork, preferably with a Tafel in hand. Cry when you realize that you're only halfway finished. Get another Tafel.


Step 10: Rise at 5:45AM, get to work digging at 6:30am. Use "broken" jackhammer to prepare ground for lots of shoveling.


Step 11: When sufficient dirt is relocated around yard, apply landscape fabric. Midas & Mella are resident experts on this fabric. They've removed lots from the upper section due to insufficient application.


Break time!


Break time is NOT OVER YET.


Step 12: Lay bricks with canine assistance. They are experts and lazy grad students finally moved out.


BREAK TIME!


Midas never really takes a break. He oversees all garden activities.


Yay! We're finished! It's not even noon!


Exhausting.


Step 13: Admire patio from inside the house.


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